‘Dog Walker: The Audiobook’ is now available

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Dog Walker is out in audio! Finally, you can read this story as it was meant to be read: with your ears while walking a dog, since that’s how I read most books while I was writing it. Consumed a whole lot of Stephen King (Stephen Weber’s so good he almost made that child orgy at the end of It palatable) and the entirety of Harry Potter that way. Listen, we all like Emma Watson, but she just doesn’t say “Harry…” with the right elderly-British-man cadence that I’m used to.

But yeah. I think this turned out pretty great? Travis Baldree killed it on the narration. I listened to it just to proof for mistakes, and I kept getting caught up in the narrative and having to go back and focus on proofing. Which is impressive, considering I read this book like 700 times. There are jokes and bits of dialogue in here that I think actually play better out loud than they did in the print book. I recommend it!

I have a few Audible promo codes to pass out in exchange for honest reviews. If you’re interested, hit me up in the comments. 🙂

AUDIBLE AMAZON

Dog Walker II – Chapter Four

Dog Walker II – Chapter Four

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A piercing howl rang out through the field, rattling the trees. The blob creature shuddered and a crack opened at its center. Ben’s arm shot out. Sarah holstered her gun, dropped to her knees and grabbed his hand. Toby’s head turned from side to side, searching the air for the origin of the sound.

Two more howls, overlapping the first, vibrating at a dissonant frequency. Sarah felt queasy. Toby yelped and flopped onto his chest. The blob retreated back into the trees as Sarah dragged Ben out of it. He tried to stand and dropped. His left shin was broken, his foot twisted in entirely the wrong direction.

The howling stopped. Ben turned to Toby, who looked as confused as he was.

NOT TOBY, the dog thought.

Out in the field, a tall man stepped up onto a grassy knoll, revealing himself. He wore a black leather duster with flaps over the shoulders, like you might see at a renaissance faire or in a pirate movie, and he had long dreadlocks, down past his shoulders, which waved gently in the wind.

“Your mom was right,” Sarah said. “Here come the pervs.”

– READ MORE –

Dog Walker II – Chapter Three

Dog Walker II – Chapter Three

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Fergie the greyhound barked furiously at a goose. The goose, which wore a yellow raincoat and matching floppy hat, didn’t react since it was made of stone. Ben laughed.

“I don’t think he’s a threat, Ferg.”

The other greyhound, Stoney, drooled as he panted, standing at Ben’s side. They were all the way around the block from the dogs’ apartment. Ben had decided to go left instead of right at the corner, to change up the walk a little, and Fergie was royally spooked by all the new sights and sounds. Stoney was his stoic, unflappable self, though a lot slower than Ben would like. He was getting old. Ben had added ten minutes to his daily schedule to account for Stoney going up and down the stairs. Speaking of…

“C’mon, dogs. We gotta head back.”

Fergie gave up on the goose and stepped forward. Stoney didn’t.

“Let’s go, Stoney.” Ben tugged on the leash.

Stoney squatted to poop, smack in the middle of the sidewalk. He actually hadn’t gone yet, which was unusual for a greyhound and especially abnormal for Stoney. Ben whipped out a bag and slipped it over his hand.

Darkness burst forth from the dog’s bowels, a liquid nightmare, a colossal and nameless blasphemy against nature, endless in its torment and destruction, the likes of which Ben had never seen and would not soon forget. He and Fergie could only stare. When it was over, Stoney trotted past them and tugged the leash towards home. The loathsome puddle slowly expanded.

Ben frowned at the wildly insufficient plastic bag on his hand. He shoved it back in his pocket.

“Maybe it’ll rain.”

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